JUNE 9 — So you want to be a politician. Well done... wishing it is only a kind step away from willing it in this celebrated old sport of intrigues, deceptions, expectations and, above all, perceptions.
The days of Idi Amin and Suharto may be long gone but as far as leaving a legacy goes, nothing quite matches politics unless, of course, you find the cure for cancer.
This guide is concerned with getting you to the very top, so this is not an elongated explanation on how to fill up a political party membership form and then through to getting elected to your local branch's protocol sub-committee (Read: You don't get to decide the type of flowers to be presented to a visiting party leader, even if you do get to wrap it).
We are into the big time baby, so this is about getting our own "First among Equals" chasing pack. The next generation of Malaysian leaders set to lead, whether they can or not. We've left the "can" at the door.
You start by picking a side.
Malaysian politics is parochial and polarised, so picking a side helps you along the way better than not. Don't be fooled by former and present muftis who claim to be apolitical and supportive of good policies — they are hedging their bets.
Everyone has to — in the current climate — in order to move their career forward. Decide then, Barisan Nasional or the other blokes?
This column will centre on a career in Umno, you'll have to wait for your Pakatan turn.
Note: No one else has explicitly written down a manual, so live with this till someone else does, hopefully with pictures. [Politicians not nuclear physicists, they (politicians, silly!) appreciate graphic details I'm told.]
A Barisan Nasional career path
You might not need to do anything. (Sigh, pause and continue...) That is if you are the male child of any Umno minister or ex-minister. The average grade score leaving school will get you a not-so-average scholarship to a pretty average university somewhere there are nice roads for your "student" car. A career and then a job in politics await those conventional, grateful and colourless.
Now for the rest. [We are helping top dogs (cats, if you want to keep this manual kosher a la Malaysia), not supporting cast so we are politely, with great reservation but no apology, ignoring those who apply to join the other 13 component parties in Barisan Nasional (BN).]
The rest again.
Three sub-filters: Name, origin and faith. Your success percentage falls or increases with where you stand in the three.
You may be a constitutional Malay, but the name has to be national without being regional, if that makes sense. Tip: Rahman great, Herman OK, Rahaman Pitchay worrying and Seri Hanuman — an unmitigated disaster waiting for an iceberg or a shout from the crude kid at the back of the classroom.
The National Registration Department has strict rules on name changes so sometimes this one you just have suck it up. Sad though that people who have amazingly unimaginative names like a hybrid of their parents' names don't suffer for their abysmal names. A sign that mediocrity is preferred.
First box ticked, move on to the second — region.
If you were born in Kedah, Johor, Penang, Pahang, Selangor or Perak, very nice and well done to your parents. Eleven of the 12 past-present Umno presidents/deputy presidents are from the first four states. Yes, Penang is indeed curious. The final two have no precedent but remain large traditional Umno states.
Being born in Kelantan, Terengganu, Sabah, Negri Sembilan, the Federal Territory, Perlis or Malacca is not the end of the world, but you'll struggle since your state either has large non-BN forces or is too small.
Sabah is a large Umno state but the disparate and fluid nature of politics over there in terms of the Malayanising process coupled with distance to Kuala Lumpur handicaps Umno members from there. A whole paradigm separates Sabah and Johor inside Umno.
Sarawak's not in the peninsula and without Umno presence, so over there you have to settle for statewide opportunities, not national ones. Not so good too if you were born in Brunei, Singapore, Thailand or south Philippines (you know who you are).
Hope your chances are still bright, move on to criterion three, religion.
No atheists, agnostics or scientists. You can mask your lack of faith with an over-eagerness for race since the party struggles to differentiate it from religion. Or, you can fake piety by lengthy salutations in Arabic and thanking god for everything including the red plastic chairs in halls you speak in. You can never be thankful enough. Thank god.
All three factored, rate your chances in the Barisan Nasional.
Yes, yes, you might make it anyway (to the top) while failing all three, it is always possible. But please do not be offended if we do not place our money on your chances.
You might be disappointed that up to this point there has been no reference to your intellectual ability, well we've come to that exciting point; it does help immeasurably if you are not a raving idiot.
Throw die and follow one of these paths.
The special officer. You are an aide, but no envelope licking is necessary. If you notice the male, ethnic, name, region and religion filters, coupled with a decent university degree requirement and then no philosophical objection to the dynamics of Umno's prevailing ideologies, then the list becomes amazingly thin. There are not that many out there, and recruiters take them early.
How to be one then?
Get noticed through Umno clubs in universities overseas; or participate in local university activism by opposing the need for student activism other than to support Umno ministers; or pose incessant questions at government events to senior ministers, which actually are congratulatory messages to them on their dress and previous actions.
When you get the job, grow. Don't get greedy now, there'll be time enough later.
You are closer to a senior politician, but building your political future on the coat-tails of another politician is asking for a short career. The national name recognition has to be upped while at the same time increasing your local presence in your local division. There is no consensus if having your sponsor from your home state is better or not.
Mind you, high rate of moderate to great success using this tried and tested route.
We-are-the-youth-of-the-day path. This is about membership and then leadership of organisations like Belia 4B, Malaysian Youth Council, Prowaris or increasingly Perkasa Youth. Getting there might be trickier since there is a longer queue.
After a period, aide positions will open up for discerning youth leaders and you can then keep all three jewels — government, party and youth posts. The more the merrier.
Can be coupled with other tracks, but you have to balance belligerence with a willingness to be inclusive. So, some might call you a hypocrite.
It's OK, you get the TV time and those calling you names won't get radio mention, let alone any funding. (Snigger if you find this reality amusing.)
Advisory: All youth projects come down to souvenirs for VIP, launch multimedia AV and catering. The actual project is optional.
The professional son returns. This circumvents the no-merit attacks since you cut your teeth in the real world. That's the upside.
Downsides, you will have to re-establish your local credentials. Your sponsors might prefer you to come with better solutions, but your peers and subordinates might find you snobbish. Being right does not help you, being popular does in the long run.
If you can shake off the people-rustiness then things do look bright.
I-am-my-own-man path. Green Day songs pre-"American Idiot" would be a great soundtrack for this option.
The general idea is to have deep love for the Malay dream while being dismissive about your predecessors. You can be an Umno member (like Dr Mahathir Mohamad back in the '60s) or not (like brother Anwar Ibrahim in the '70s), really does not matter. You just have to be impatient and point your fingers at easy targets, like an ethnic group or social class. Must be willing to consider jail time and have strong constitution, even if you care little for the Federal Constitution.
You milk the spirit of revolution and then you retract. Just as you reach the precipice you turn around and take the Umno pledge. By then you are perceived to be your own man taking on Umno.
It took seven years for Mahathir from being sacked to becoming deputy prime minister, two years from being a non-member to full minister for Anwar.
The bravado of this method will last a long time, or you may fall short. Low success rate, but high returns.
Umno historically is filled by risk-averse members who like to win by having advantages their opponents don't have, like the backing of their colonial British masters.
Which is why the self-made renegade who survives the scares becomes an instant icon to the very people who opposed him before. The Umno landscape is bereft of alpha males.
Don't worry, you don't have to choose this path, the path is either meant for you or not. The staid culture since post-1987 with Umno Baru and institutionalised factionalism has made these individuals rarities. Like Highlanders (apologies, truly for the 1980s reference).
Decision time then
The great part about the Umno world right now is that national power is pretty much in your hand, right or wrong. It is a sight to behold seeing a senior Umno politician just brushing aside any amount of reason with their righteousness. No, seriously. There will come a time Malaysians would miss that attitude.
And you could be one to join the illustrious line of men and women. I probably won't like you that much after you start but I'm not your nanny.
Note: You'll probably be able to afford a fair number of nannies before you are done with your Umno years.
* The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the columnist.
Full Feed Generated by Get Full RSS, sponsored by USA Best Price.