The Malaysian Insider :: Features
The Malaysian Insider :: Features |
| Modern Etiquette: Defuse a thoughtless public blurt Posted: 02 Oct 2012 07:15 AM PDT SEATTLE, Oct 2 — People say the most amazing things. Then they expect you to respond, which is difficult at best because you're too busy picking your chin off the floor. At a recent barbeque, one guest announced that "all you carnivores should be ashamed" to eat the meal. At the same party (did I say party?), another guest informed me that "only stupid people believe in God."
A few days later at a business event, a former neighbour actually said to me: "I haven't seen you dressed up with make-up on. Your eyelashes are so long! Are they real?" Clumsy as the comment was, it was a compliment, and I took it as such. Humour goes a long way in sticky situations like this, even though it's sometimes difficult to muster on the spot. In reply, I mumbled something like, "You bet they're real. I grew them myself, organically." Maybe I am just socialising with the wrong crowd. Still, I wonder if all the time we spend with our computers erodes our sensitivity and ability to be civil and pleasant to others. I also wonder about the best way to respond to such verbal assaults. You can be sure of two things in such situations: First, a painfully long, loud silence will follow the inappropriate comment. Second, a direct reply is not only unnecessary but also unwise. That leaves us with the only viable choice: Change the subject. But how? Know that whoever breaks such silences is a hero and will find his or her name on the guest lists of every person within earshot. That's why it's worth doing a little homework before heading out to just about any gathering. Let's take the process step by step. A particularly crummy comment lands in your lap. Silence prevails. Do not take the bait and argue the point, regardless of how much you are incited. You need a mollifying transition here, followed by a fast change of subject. That might sound like, "That's an interesting view on the subject. Thank you for sharing." Then, turning to the group, ask "What's the greatest movie you've not yet seen?' or, "What athletic skill do you wish you had mastered?" Or, "What purchase made you feel most like a grownup?" As you read this, you might sense a conversational disconnect when you change the subject somewhat abruptly. Actually, everyone around you will breathe a sigh of relief. So press on! Take care not to exclude the person who originally lobbed the zinger. He or she might not know any better, and a cold shoulder will serve no one. Here are a few more imaginative questions to change the subject skilfully: "What's your favourite meal of the day?" "What's your favourite appetiser?" "Who are your heroes?" "What do you consider the greatest invention of the last 25 years?". Nobody likes to be interrogated. That's why it's exceptionally helpful to give a little personal information before you ask others to share things about themselves. You might say something like: "I was just reading a story about... He/she always has been one of my heroes. Ever think about your heroes?" Or, "I got back from a business trip yesterday and, after lugging a suitcase through airports, I concluded that wheels on suitcases are the most important invention of the last 50 years. What do you think is the most important invention of the last few decades?" Perhaps the intense guest who was quick to label guests as carnivores and believers as stupid would find such small talk trivial and fatuous. However, making effective small talk to lubricate the creaky wheels of society before they become stuck in the mud is a big skill, not to be underestimated. A little preparation and thought before any social gathering will go a long way to averting fiascos. Mary M Mitchell has written several books on the subject of etiquette, including "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette" and "Class Acts". She is also the founder of executive training consultancy The Mitchell Organisation with the website themitchellorganization.com. The opinions expressed are her own. — Reuters |
| Most Americans doubt Scientology is true religion, says poll Posted: 02 Oct 2012 06:31 AM PDT  The Church of Scientology of Los Angeles building in Los Angeles, California, July 3, 2012. — Reuters pic Seventy per cent of respondents to the 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair poll said the controversial Church of Scientology, which is popular with Hollywood stars such as Tom Cruise and John Travolta, was not a real religion, but 13 per cent said that it was. Religious surveys have estimated that less than 100,000 Americans practice Scientology, which is often branded a cult by its critics. "It's a tribute to America's tradition of religious tolerance that Scientology is accepted throughout the country," the survey noted in its analysis of the results. The poll also showed that brawn trumped brains with 40 per cent of Americans saying they wanted an Olympic gold medal gracing their mantel, while 36 per cent would prefer a Pulitzer prize and seven per cent wanted an Oscar. On the home front, the Obamas were the clear choice when it came to which family children might marry into, with 19 per cent choosing the presidential family compared with 18 per cent for the Kennedys and the 16 per cent for the British royal family. On the weightier subject of illegal immigration, 18 per cent of people questioned said that, if they saw a family trying to cross the border from Mexico illegally, they would try to help them, but 41 per cent said they would report them. Thirty per cent said they would look the other way. The poll also revealed that celebrity endorsements are irrelevant, with 89 per cent saying they made no difference. And despite all the focus on personal technology, 70 per cent of people said they would rather lose their smart phone than their wallet. When asked about giving up chicken or beef, 32 per cent of Americans said they would have the hardest time dropping beef, while 26 per cent chose chicken. Pork and lamb were far behind, but nearly a third said they could easily give up all of them. The telephone poll was conducted among a random sample of 1,027 adults nationwide in August and had a sampling error of plus or minus three percentage points. — Reuters |
All I'd done to merit this salvo was to mention that on my way home from church, I noticed something-or-other. Then this same guest found it important to share yet another unsolicited opinion — mercifully, with someone other than myself — which "only poor people live in apartments."| You are subscribed to email updates from The Malaysian Insider :: Features To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
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