The Malaysian Insider :: Books
The Malaysian Insider :: Books |
| Book Talk: Mary M. Mitchell goes to the dogs with a friend Posted: 17 Jan 2013 03:54 AM PST Book Talk: Mary M. Mitchell goes to the dogs with a friend LONDON, Jan 17 — Etiquette expert and Reuters columnist Mary M. Mitchell found that using a dog as an intermediary helped to take the sting out of tricky discussions with a treasured friend. Mitchell created an email personality for her French bulldog ZsaZsa LaPooch and began sending her friend Nessa emails from the dog as a bit of fun, but then discovered during more than two years of correspondence that it was a good way to deliver difficult messages and explore emotions. The straight advice offered up by ZsaZsa in Mitchell's book "Woofs to the Wise: Learning to Lick at Life and Chew on Civility" later becomes a two-way blessing for Mitchell and Nessa, when the latter struggles to discuss the emotional side of her battle with terminal cancer. Q: Why did you write this book? A: I began the book as a lark. I finished it as a final promise to my closest friend. Q: Is this meant to be taken seriously? A: Although Woofs is often hilarious and sometimes wistful, the book carries a very important "serious" message: good relationships are the hallmark of a life and career well lived. Clear communication and kindness are at the heart of any solid relationship. Q: Have you always had a fondness for animals? A: I was never interested in having a dog around until I met ZsaZsa. At three weeks of age, she and her four siblings were set down in front of me; the other four wandered around aimlessly, whereas she trundled right over and sat on my foot. Q: What's the top lesson you have learned from ZsaZsa? A: ZsaZsa taught me to see things differently. She taught me how to play; how to live in the moment, appreciating every moment; and she taught me patience. Q: Why would you write this from a dog's point of view? A: Sometimes we have tough things to say to people, things they might not like to hear. A middleman, or in this case, a middledog, made saying tough things easier to hear, especially when humor was part of the delivery vehicle. Communication is all about the other person. If I say something to you and you are not clear on what I meant, all I've done is spoken out loud. In the case of Woofs, my friend was driving me crazy micro-managing her visit to Seattle, where I live. I used ZsaZsa to clarify that she was coming for a fun-filled vacation, not a corporate conference. Q: What's so important about civility in a dog-eat-dog world? A: Good manners grease the skids of life. Good manners will get you more tasty treats. It's that simple. Q: When did you and Nessa decide to start talking doggie? A: Once Nessa got over the shock of receiving an email from a dog, she let loose her wicked wit and began writing to ZsaZsa every day. ZsaZsa is a terrible typist, so I helped her with her responses. Nessa was, in her own words, "a highly evolved 21st century diva," so she began coaching ZZ on matters from possible careers to boyfriends. ZsaZsa, of course, rose to every occasion and immediately realized what a tremendous resource Nessa was. One storyline in the book involves ZsaZsa on a new job search. She had been a therapy dog in my husband's medical office. Four years ago he closed his practice, so ZsaZsa was out of a job. Now he teaches yoga, but that's another book... ZsaZsa sought Nessa's considerable wisdom on a number of career issues because Nessa had been a potent mentor to many, many, younger people throughout her life (although never before to a dog). Q: Did the correspondence and then book help Nessa cope with her illness? A: The book in no small way kept Nessa alive throughout her battle with pancreatic cancer. She was wholly dedicated to life, not to answering questions about her treatment. Woofs became a creative outlet for her. Nessa said things to ZsaZsa that were too hard for her to say herself. Nobody likes to feel vulnerable, especially when you are the product of a tremendously successful career and used to being in charge. Losing control was hell for Nessa, as it would be for me and I daresay for most of us. Later in the book, Nessa began asking ZsaZsa for advice with her illness, and so the career storyline came full circle, as ZsaZsa again found herself in the position of therapy dog. Finishing the book provided Nessa with a potent stimulus to keep fighting in her terminal battle. The night before she died I promised her we would get this book published; she was no longer able to talk, yet she squeezed my hand in acknowledgment. Neither of us ever lost sight of the fact that our intent for the book was to contribute all its profits to a foundation for educating middle school children in the arts. Q: The idea of manners and etiquette seems very 19th century. Is it really necessary to know where to put your fork or whether you can put your mobile phone on the table at lunch any more? A: ZsaZsa and I both believe that kindness is timeless. That is what good manners are all about. They come from the inside. They are translated through etiquette, which comes from the outside - they're the rules. Good manners create harmony and etiquette helps control chaos. Etiquette is very practical. If you think about it, rules free us. Imagine what life would be like if there were no directional street signs - car crashes everywhere. When we understand the rules, we can get where we need to go much more easily. The rules change constantly, and they are different in every culture. What matters is knowing how you are expected to behave in a given setting - peeing and pooping only in approved places, for example. And as for cell phones on the table - think about where your cell phone has been, what it's come in contact with, and whether you really want all those germs close to your meal. Q: What's the biggest change to etiquette and manners you've seen in the past 20 years? A: The computer age is absolutely the most powerful factor influencing our behavior in the past two decades. The rules of etiquette always change by virtue of the economy, they always change by virtue of industrialization, and they always change by what's going on in the workplace. For example, I doubt if 20 years ago a series of emails would have made a book. People dealt with each other much more face-to-face and by telephone. Not long ago, I actually had a company engage me to encourage its employees to walk down the hall or across the room to talk with each other rather than text and email. My hope is that many who would never pick up a conventional etiquette book, thinking that it would be too stuffy and boring, will learn a great deal about manners in a most enjoyable way by reading this book, to the benefit of humans and dogs alike. — Reuters |
| High-flying ‘millenial’ women don’t live to work, says book Posted: 17 Jan 2013 02:10 AM PST  LONDON, Jan 17 — Giant corporations will have to consign the alpha male office culture to the paper shredder if they want to hang on to today's high-flying 20- and 30-somethings, particularly women. The world's top firms will struggle to inspire the "millennial" generation with a reward culture based on endless hours in the office and networking built around heavy drinking and macho sports, according to business professor Elisabeth Kelan. The senior lecturer at King's College London argues in her new book "Rising Stars" that 21st century graduates of both genders aren't willing to devote themselves entirely to any one firm in a world where changing jobs every two or three years is the norm. "The millennial generation - both men and women - don't want to live their entire life to work," Kelan said. "This is more pronounced for women because the long-hours work culture is not conducive to children. As a result, women often leave their jobs way before they actually want children." Kelan's research shows that while women make up about 50 percent of entry level jobs, most organisations say only a third of their middle-management and 10 percent of top management are women. This is partly because the women high-fliers in Kelan's book, who are lawyers, consultants, bankers, corporate executives, get disillusioned when men rise through the ranks faster than they do. Some, fed up with long hours and little leisure time, decide to opt for something different - maybe consider starting their own businesses instead. Others decide to go to business school to do an MBA to help give them a leg up the management ladder. But even here they find the environment is testosterone-driven. Kelan gives the example of Iara, who works at an investment bank, but decides to do an MBA to help her career move ahead. She loves the MBA programme, but notices that women account for only about a quarter of her group. She finds most of the activities on the course are designed for men and feels that in effect she is learning how to be "an honorary man." Outside the classroom, it is no different. The dominant culture is "heavy drinking and extreme sports." Light bulb Some companies are trying to break the mold. Aviva, the British insurance company, where women already make up 20 per cent of its senior leaders, developed a reciprocal mentoring programme, in which a group of women and one gay man with leadership potential were mentored by the 11 members of the company's executive committee. "This led to many 'light bulb' moments," Kelan said, where the executives realised their own privilege in having got to the top and why others might struggle to do the same. The tone from the top, she says, is important in reshaping the organisation to allow diverse people to take leading roles. The drive to get more women into corporate boardrooms could play a part in changing the "tone." Norway, which introduced quotas for women directors in 2003, provides an interesting test case. Although it's not easy to assess how women affect the traditional male corporate culture inside the boardroom. "It is quite complex," said Morten Huse, Professor at BI Norwegian Business School, who said a lot of existing research into this area was related to financial performance using quite basic models where it was not easy to see variations resulting from women's contributions. "One core element we need to understand is how women make contributions inside the boardroom," said Huse, who is also a professor at the University of Witten/Herdecke in Germany. Huse said research did show that if there were just one or two women they would tend to adapt to the existing boardroom culture while there was a big change if the number of women reached "critical mass." "In Norway, we see that the traditional roles of independent directors are changing," said Huse. His research identifies three types of independent directors at Norwegian companies - directors with some links to the company - known as insiders, directors with links to investors and true independents with no relationships to insiders. He said that since the introduction of gender balance rules in Norway it was women who often replaced "true independents." "So women have taken away much of the old boys' network." Kelan has also looked at the Norwegian experience. "I was sceptical of the women on boards initiative. We looked at Norway and did find that the more women are on boards the more likely the chairman is a woman or the CEO is a woman. So it does show that there is an increase in women taking leadership positions as a result of quotas." Elisabeth Kelan's book "Rising Stars - Developing Millennial Women as Leaders" is published by Palgrave Macmillan. — Reuters |
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