DEC 30 — As the year draws to a close, the researchers at the Malaysian Institute of Learning Foundation for Political Research On Nationalism (MILF-PRON) have decided to release a special report for public consumption on a very important issue, that is the threats which threaten the Malays such that they are constantly feeling threatened.
There is absolutely no doubt that 2011 has been the most threatening year for the survival of the Malays in their own land — which includes Malaysia, southern Thailand, Singapore, Brunei, Indonesia, parts of South Africa and the Liverpool docks.
The challenges that have come the way of the Malays from every direction have put all hard-working and grafting Malays at risk of once again being colonised by (or at the very least, under the protection of) foreign powers, whether physically, emotionally or, even especially, spiritually.
Before the year started, there was a letter allegedly written by an MCA member complaining about the volume of the azan coming from a mosque 1km away from where he normally sleeps. Since this is an issue that would crop up every few months or so, the Malays did not feel very threatened going into the new year.
However, there was brief excitement when former Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad claimed that the Malays in Kampung Baru would end up like the Malays in Singapore if they (the Kampung Baru ones) were not careful.
This claim was greeted with some concern, even though a small segment of the Malays in Kampung Baru opined that it wouldn't actually be too bad a thing. At least, they would already have an MRT system working in the area, if nothing else.
The claim from the former PM was in response to a book published by a former PM of Singapore, Lee Kuan Yew, in which he wrote, among other things, the Malays in Singapore should be "less strict" about observing their religion.
And so, at the start of February, a Malay NGO in Singapore called for Lee Kuan Yew to be detained under the republic's Internal Security Act for being seditious. The minister mentor, in a display of restraint, did not bother to respond.
In the meantime, Mahathir said in a talk on the "Malay race and the future" that Malaysians as a whole need to accept that the country belonged to the Malays. He felt that the people of the nation have to "be sincere and accept that the country is Tanah Melayu."
In a separate statement, he also took the opportunity to call PAS spiritual leader Nik Aziz a, well, opportunist who was willing to forsake his Islamic beliefs for political mileage. This then led to Nik Aziz accusing Mahathir and his party, Umno, of oppressing the Malays.
This was then followed up by Utusan Malaysia claiming that Nik Aziz prefers the company of Lee Kuan Yew to that of the Malays nationalists who fought for the freedom of the nation.
Nik Aziz, in response to something else entirely, said that he did not ask to be born a Malay, adding that it was pure coincidence that he was born in Malaysia.
At this juncture, it was still unclear as to the nature of the threats that threaten the Malays, apart from being run over by statements which make no sense whatsoever.
Which then brings us into March where Mahathir said that the Malays are not immigrants, even if they originally came from the Arab peninsula, India, Indonesia or anywhere else. He also pointed out that "those who support racist statements by the opposition are the real racists."
Not wanting to be left out, Singapore's minister mentor then made a statement in which he felt that his observation that the Malays in Singapore needed to be integrated better into the rest of the country may possibly be outdated and therefore he stood to be corrected.
Since he was no longer threatening, no Malay NGO called for him to not be detained under the ISA.
While Mahathir continued his series of warnings to the Malays by warning that the Malays could end up like the Palestinians who sold their own country out to the Jews, a new threat to the Malays reared its ugly head — Kentucky Fried Chicken could possibly be out of Malay hands.
Based on an unconfirmed rumour, it was said that the majority owner of KFC in Malaysia, Kulim Bhd, could be sold off to a non-Malay company and therefore this would constitute a major threat to the ability of Malays to consume chicken fried in 11 secret herbs and spices.
The owners of Kulim Bhd, Johor Corp, denied the rumours.
When asked whether they were the ones responsible for spreading the rumour, the owners of the Radix Fried Chicken chain refused to comment. They did however say that Radix Fried Chicken contained more that 11 herbs and spices as well as Tongkat Ali and quite possibly ginseng. For a stiffer fried chicken experience, presumably.
In April, the simmering controversy regarding the import and distribution of Bahasa Melayu (or more likely Bahasa Indonesia) bibles, referred to as "The Alkitab Controversy", came to a boil that no one seemed capable of lancing. With the Sarawak polls looming, the government decided to allow the release of said bibles that had been held back by Customs.
The existence of these bibles was clearly a threat to the faith of the Malays, given that — according to a few mullahs — the Malays are clearly so easily trapped into converting into Christianity and thus commit apostasy simply because they know how to read in their own language.
That the Alkitab can easily be read and downloaded digitally via the Internet onto PCs, tablets, phones and wristwatches seemed to be less threatening than the actual physical books, all of which are clearly stamped with the words "Untuk Kegunaan Penganut Kristian Sahaja."
In addition to the Malay Bible, the mufti of Perak also identified another Christian plot to convert impressionable Malays, this time using dance. Specifically, poco-poco. His fatwa banning poco-poco caused a stir, and a few twisted knickers among the Malays, not all of whom live in Perak. This prompted the National Fatwa Council to convene a special meeting to discuss the fatwa.
Rumour had it that the council instructed several military personnel to demonstrate the poco-poco, and after deep deliberation the council decreed that the dance is not threatening to the Malays. The mufti of Perak remained adamant, however, saying that his department had studied the issue and found that the dance incorporated moves originated by Jamaican Christians.
The additional rumour that the National Fatwa Council was planning a trip to the Caribbean to investigate the gyrating Jamaican Christians themselves has not been substantiated.
The "Christianisation of Malays" threat is to remain a recurring theme throughout the rest of the year, for as we go into May …
A report appeared in Utusan Malaysia saying that a couple of bloggers have uncovered a plot by a group of pastors in Penang to create a Christian Malaysia — by installing a Christian prime minister. Apparently, at the invite of the DAP, what seemed on the surface to be a dinner in appreciation of either the the DAP being in Sarawak, or Sarawak pastors being in Penang, a pledge was allegedly made by those present to work towards getting a Christian to be made PM of the country.
While this already presented a clear and present threat to the Malays and the sovereignty of the land, the situation became even more precarious when it was alleged by Datuk Ibrahim Ali of Perkasa that former members of the Communist Party of Malaysia were also involved in the dastardly plot to replace Islam as the official religion of Malaysia.
If these rumours were proven true (and who's to say that they aren't?) then it was obvious that the secular democrats in the DAP are truly in collusion with the godless heathens in CPM to put a Christian priest into the highest executive office in the land.
At this point, it was clear that there was an unholy trinity comprising secularists, communists and Malay-speaking Christians threatening the unity, harmony and prosperity of the Malays.
On a brighter note, though, it seemed that KFC would still remain in Malay hands.
The "Christianisation of Malays" threat then took a back-seat in June when a coalition of NGOs calling itself The Coalition For Clean And Fair Elections (stupefyingly simplified to "Bersih", instead of TCFCAFE, or even COFOCAFE which would be much catchier) announced plans to hold a rally in Kuala Lumpur. While the rally was to be held the following month, July, plans were already in place.
Bersih had planned to hold this rally mainly to pressure the Election Commission to implement a set of changes encapsulated in Bersih's "8 demands." However, according to independent lawmaker, Datuk Zulkifli Nordin, Bersih's true aim is to enslave all Malays by pressing for equality and fairness in elections while at the same time supporting apostasy and interfaith discussions. According to Zulkifli, this fact was made amply clear by the fact that the leader of the coalition is a non-Malay.
In addition, there was a raft of hacker attacks on Malaysian government websites which, it was the belief of Information, Communications, and Culture Minister Datuk Seri Rais Yatim, was connected to the rally.
How the anonymous collective calling itself Anonymous (which executed the attacks) is linked to the coalition named Bersih was not quite made clear, but a threat is a threat is what we say.
As June headed to a close, the feeling of being imminently threatened by what was now obviously going to be referred to eventually as the "Bersih riots" was assuaged somewhat when the mahaguru of the Pertubuhan Seni Silat Lincah Malaysia (PSSLM), Tan Sri Omardin Mauju, declared that the silat exponents constitute the third line of defence for the country, and would therefore not hesitate to go to "war" against Bersih should Bersih go on with the rally.
It was then that we headed into July, knowing that the defence of the Malays would partially be handled by men in black pajamas striking artful poses while holding bendy knives …
This then ends the first part of MILF-PRON's special report on the threats which threaten the Malays such that they are constantly feeling threatened.
In the second part, we cover the rest of the year as we continue to expand on the Christianisation plot (which now includes solar-powered bibles), as well as cover the aftermath of the Bersih bloodbath, the triumphant gathering of one million Malays in a football stadium, and the great threat of homosexuals espousing acceptance, understanding, self-pride and sex fiestas.
* The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the columnist.
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